How To Save A Life
by believeintrust
Summary: Oh that sadness that he couldn’t shake, that horrible stomach tearing sadness that ran through his body like ice, making everything feel so cold and lifeless


I don't own digimon

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**How to save a life**

****

The day was warm with its spring breeze wafting through the air. Sunday, the day of rest for most and so the streets remained clear of bustling people and dense traffic while many people had decided just to spend the day in leisure's rest.

Parks were full of happy faces, soft steps from lighthearted people; Lovers clinging hands together, children playing while mothers and fathers alike watched from near-by benches enjoying the sun and breeze brought by a beautiful day.

Of course the ying-yang effect still reflected upon the world and one member of the local park remained with a solemn face as he passed through. Brown hair, wild in a manner of it's own, soft concerned brown eyes, hands shoved into jeans that appeared just slightly too large for this individual; A burgundy sweatshirt adorned his chest making him stand out among the happy scenery, probably close to the only person in Tokyo who hadn't taken the opportunity to pull out the summer wear.

His eyes remained upon the path he walked while a biker swerved around him on his path forth ward. His mind was clouded with worry and confusion. A couple passed him, obviously trying with best to keep there eyes from trailing to stare in curiosity to the depressed individual.

He did not care who stared, though. His path was leading him to a meeting point that lay on the other side of the green park, a café in which he had a purpose to fulfill there. The stares of judging eyes were the least of his concern.

The café was of moderate size and simply displayed. Windows covered the front allowing in light greedily. Tai stepped through the doors and did a check of the interior. He knew the place; he'd been there a few times before. The counter was made of wood with a young girl there ready to take his order.

She smiled at him, her light brown hair was held into a ponytail, her face was plain, bare of makeup or any distinguishing marks but a few freckles.

She spoke to him, said a phrase she had said many times before, had memorized and probably hated by then though had shown no indication to prove this.

Tai placed his order, a simple coffee, one sugar, two creams and then when the girl was about to ring his order he said that he wasn't done and ordered another beverage. A look crossed her face, disappointment perhaps; it didn't matter much since he hadn't noticed it, his mind still lay in clouds.

When all was said and done Tai sought a seat. A few people sat at tables reading newspapers or talking amongst themselves but the café still offered him options for seats and the place he sought was in a booth, wood seat, red padded back and a basic wooden table. A window was to his right allowing him to watch the quiet street and busy park.

He hadn't been sitting long in his thoughts before he heard the door open a few feet away and there stood the other person who left his summer clothing in storage. Blond hair, neat as a pin, pale skin slightly sunken in his cheek, a button up shirt, black, snugly fit with long sleeves, and black slacks, and _those_ eyes; Blue and sorrowful, as they had been for so long now it seemed.

_**Step one:**_

_**You say we need to talk  
**_

_**He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
**_

_**He smiles politely back at you  
**_

_**You stare politely right on through  
**_

_**Some sort of window to your right  
**_

_**He goes left and you stay right  
**_

_**Between the lines of fear and blame  
**_

_**And you begin to wonder why you came**_

****

"Hi…" Tai spoke first, his voice soft as he said the simple greeting. Yamato could see it in his eyes, Tai knew he could, this wasn't casual. Yamato was questioned on it before and he knew his friend didn't want to hear it again.

Yamato remained silent, unspoken, his expression bare, not a hint to say that the blonde had heard him speak but it would have been foolish to think that he hadn't.

Tai looked down, his hands held the cup of coffee by it's base, feeling the heat travel through the cup, warming his fingers, making them hot. "Yamato…" a hesitant sigh left his tanned lips and he knew he had to bring his eyes back up. He could not admit defeat before he even tried, so he hardened his expression and made sure the blond knew he wasn't letting things rest anymore. "We need to talk." He kept his voice soft not wanting his friend to feel forced into the conversation.

If there had been any doubt as to what the intension of meeting in this café was, it was gone in a single sigh of frustration. "Tai, I don't want to deal with this from you. I'm fine. I fall into bouts of depression now and then, everyone knows that. I don't know why everyone's making such a big deal about it _now_."

"Because it usually doesn't go this far." Tai remained unmoved by his friend's careless reply.

Yamato shook his head as though he thought Tai were crazy and turned to leave.

"Yamato." This time Tai's voice was hard, determined, and had Yamato stop with his hand on the door. When Tai spoke again it lost its edge, became soft, though still determined, "Sit down, it's just a talk."

Slowly the blond turned and took his seat. He offered his friend a small smile but Tai knew it wasn't real. It was a defense; A way to keep the problem looking small, hoping to throw Tai off the scent. It wasn't working.

Tai kept his expression serious as Yamato waited to get a smile in return. When he knew that it wasn't coming he turned his attention to the beverage in front of him, something he hadn't noticed until he had sat.

"What's this?" Yamato asked as he ventured a sip of the fancy café drink. Tai didn't answer so Yamato looked back up, "It's good," the blond stated as he played innocent, pretending as though there really was nothing that needed mentioning.

Tai stared across at his friend, face still solemn and he wondered briefly how long it had been since he really sat down with the blond and had a simple conversation…

He wondered briefly if things would have gone so far if he had made more time for them…

_**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
**_

_**Somewhere along in the bitterness  
**_

_**And I would have stayed up with you all night  
**_

_**Had I known how to save a life**_

****

"I…" Tai started out nervously, he wasn't sure what to say, or how to start and he wondered if you was being too blunt but he continued none the less. "I saw them." Yamato eyes reflected fear and embarrassment for an instant, but only an instant. His walls came up, he looked confused.

"Saw what?" He cocked his head slightly, looking bewildered even more but it was a game, this was. He was playing a part and Tai wasn't having it.

Another sigh passed those tanned lips as he looked back down at his some-what cooler coffee, still untouched by his tongue, his hands holding its base as they had been before. His eyes moved up until they were staring at his friend again, accusations were spoken before Tai had said a thing, "Don't you mean 'saw who'?" This time the confusion on the blond's face was real. "Because if you didn't know what I meant you would have thought I were talking about people because the word 'them' is so commonly used when talking about people. At least I think so. I only barely passed that class in high school. You can correct me if you think I'm wrong."

It was a bold move, he knew. Made him sound cocky but it was all in an attempt to brake through those barriers that the blond had. He could do it when he was younger, brake those defenses, and he'd be damned if he couldn't do it now.

The blond held them strong for almost a moment before they crumbled and Yamato turned his head, looking down and too his left.

"You cut yourself now, don't you?" Tai continued, softly, quietly to keep the conversation between the two of them. "I'm not the only one that noticed them. Sora has as well. She's the one who told me about the scars. You've been scaring her, you know. She says you almost never attend class anymore... she says-"

Yamato swung his head around to meet Tai's soft stare with fierce anger. "Yeah, I bet she says a lot of things!" His voice was still low, conscious that they weren't alone.

"Yamato you shouldn't be doing that. You know that you have friends, you have me. You shouldn't be resorting to that."

_**Let him know that you know best  
**_

_**Cause after all you do know best  
**_

_**Try to slip past his defense  
**_

_**Without granting innocence  
**_

_**Lay down a list of what is wrong  
**_

_**The things you've told him all along  
**_

_**And pray to God he hears you**_

****

The anger drained from Yamato's face, slowly almost as though those words that Tai spoke saddened him and shockingly enough Tai found himself asking, "You do know that I'm here for you, don't you?"

_**And pray to God he hears you**_

…

_**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
**_

_**Somewhere along in the bitterness  
**_

_**And I would have stayed up with you all night  
**_

_**Had I known how to save a life**_

****

"Here for me?" Yamato almost scoffed, "Where have you been for me?" The blond then raised his angered blue eyes. "I've barely seen you the past few months! Soccer, class projects, what's that stupid… _sonority_ or something you were trying to join and, **oh**!" He said getting louder and had it not been that they were sitting in a booth Tai was sure Yamato would have been standing by now, always one to get caught up in his emotions. "Of course those parties where you were drunk off your ass, yeah, you were willing to talk then, though not all that coherently, listening you weren't that great with either! Is that what you mean when you say you were here for me!?"

Tai could feel the eyes upon them. The young girl who was currently bringing someone a refill, the people with newspapers and the ones who were just about to leave and the couple who spoke quietly, there eyes were all staring, watching in wonder of what would occur and what had occurred. Curiosity plagued there minds and a desire of a story to later recount kept there stares upon the two. But, as mentioned before, it didn't bother Tai one bit. Watch all they want, Tai was here for a reason and to entertain them it was not.

Tai focused on the blond before him and remained leveled despite the outburst. He couldn't give Yamato a reason to storm off so when he spoke again it was in that same soft calming voice as before and as he spoke Yamato's shoulders slowly relaxed letting Tai know he made the right choice. "I'm sorry. I really am. I should have…" and with a small pause Tai took an even breath, realizing he was getting caught up in his guilt, before he continued, "I should have been there more for you and no excuse is good enough so I won't even try. I want you to know that I'm here for you now and as often as you want me and need for me to be. Talk to me? Tell me, why do you hurt so bad?"

_**As he begins to raise his voice  
**_

_**You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
**_

_**Drive until you lose the road  
**_

_**Or break with the ones you've followed  
**_

_**He will do one of two things  
**_

_**He will admit to everything  
**_

_**Or he'll say he's just not the same  
**_

_**And you'll begin to wonder why you came**_

****

Tai's eyes were begging for his friend to do as Tai knew he needed. Brown eyes soft and filled with hope staring into blue pools of turmoil. Fear and challenged mistrust; And he knew where they were, he could picture it in his mind, so clearly; the thunder bustling skies stretching for all eternity, the edge of a cliff over a million miles steep and the blond clung with his fingers to the rocks needing help so ultimately. It was a barren wasteland and no one was around but Tai, out on that limb, reaching down for his friend asking him to grab his hand, asking him to allow himself to be saved.

And what scared Tai more then anything was that he wasn't sure if his friend would allow it, so he begged as hard as he could and prayed for all that he was that his hand would be filled with more then just air as it were now.

And Yamato blinked, and Taichi blinked. The turmoil was gone and that feigned innocence was back. "I'm sorry Tai," Yamato said. "I didn't mean to say those things and I especially didn't mean for you to take it the way you did. What I meant is that we haven't seen much of each other. We've grown apart as well as we've grown up. I…" Yamato swallowed before he went on and lowered his voice as well his eyes when he said, "_Had_ cut myself." His eyes went back up wide and blue and almost begging Tai to believe him, "I stopped though. You don't know me the way you used to. I'm not upset right now. I'm really not. I'm sorry you… well, I'm just sorry." And Yamato shook his head and stood up. Some things were muttered and in the end Yamato left.

_**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
**_

_**Somewhere along in the bitterness  
**_

_**And I would have stayed up with you all night  
**_

_**Had I known how to save a life**_

Tai sat there as he watched his friend leave, something in his mind was telling him to get up, go after him, do _something, _but nothing came to mind and there he just sat…

_**Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
**_

_**Somewhere along in the bitterness  
**_

_**And I would have stayed up with you all night  
**_

_**Had I known how to save a life**_

Something stirred in Yamato as he made it back home, closed his bachelor pad door and leaned against it as a sudden dizzying feeling overcame him. He was alone now and alone he felt the embarrassment at knowing people saw the scars; and alone he felt regret at knowing he needed help but being too frightened to allow it; and alone he felt guilty for turning down an offer given to him by a scared friend; and alone he felt angry that he was so stupid; and alone he felt aggravated that he was so stupid; and alone he felt saddened that he was so stupid…

…Oh that sadness that he couldn't shake, that horrible stomach tearing sadness that ran through his body like ice, making everything feel so cold and lifeless, and before he knew it the tears were there along with those _thoughts. _He suddenly became very aware of those scars upon his wrists. They were never meant to be there, they were supposed to be his final pains of life but he had become too frightened and would stop before the marks became deep enough, but how he wished that things could just end. He wanted just to do it, he wanted just to die, and the thought of trying once more sounded appealing; Anything to make his pain go away.

………………………………..

Taichi could hear tapping on his door, soft tapping, barely audible, and had there been any noise in the house other then his own breathing he was sure that it wouldn't have been heard; But he heard it, jerking him from his thoughts, calling him forth to answer the beckoner. Standing while remaining monotonous, Taichi traveled to the entrance of the apartment and took no hesitance to open and see who had made there way to his door.

At first the door only remained opened enough for Tai to see on the other side but upon the awkward disposition of his friend Yamato the door widened to allow entrance through but the welcome was not heeded immediately.

Yamato stood there, looking down at his own two hands that could not seem to remain still. They played at the sleeves upon their wrists, tugging at them, each one, the right and the left, in turn.

"Tai, I've been hurting for a long time…" and those blue eyes came up to met his through a vale of blond hair and the redness on his cheeks, the wet streaks on his face and the nervousness in his eyes showed the pain hidden in his soul. "I want the pain to stop," and those eyes lowered once more and he repeated so much more quietly, "I want the pain to stop."

And with open arms did Taichi let his friend in to his place and long into the night did they talk until every word that was needed to be spoke was in the open and each word that floated through the air and dissipated represented a little piece of Yamato's sadness that alone would not go away.

The end

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End file.
